


Thoughts, Feelings, And Scars

by DigitalGhost



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Gen, How the hell do I tag this, LLOYDS LIFE SUCKS, Mental Breakdown, Post-Possession, can that be a thing please, garmadon is dead, lloyd angst, lloyd feels, lloyd has depression!!, lloyd has glasses btw, lloyd has mental illness of some kind, lloyd needs a therapist, lloyd talks to the sky, lloyd with glasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 15:19:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13527033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalGhost/pseuds/DigitalGhost
Summary: lloyd thinks about his fantastic life, and needs a therapist





	Thoughts, Feelings, And Scars

Lloyd Garmadon sat at the edge of the cliff, swinging his legs back and forth below him like a Grandfather Clock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

His own grandfather was the First Spinjitzu Master, the creator of all the land, the most powerful man to ever have lived. Yet, Lloyd had never met him. What would he say to Lloyd now, contemplating his life on the edge of a cliff?

Distant sounds of talk and laughter reached him from hills long behind him, echoing from the Destiny’s Bounty. It was nearing sunset, and they had set down the Bounty for the night, not wanting to waste fuel. Supposedly, he was out on a walk to stretch his legs.

Even after several years of being part of the team, he still occasionally felt alone, separate. All of the other ninja had become a hero by choice; to save a sister, to prove herself, to find answers, to do something with his life, to make a difference. All valid reasons, of course, but they still had all been by choice.

Ever since he had started training to be the Green Ninja, he had been wondering; Where would he be, if not for the prophecy? Would he still hang out with the ninja, but a trouble-making nuisance instead? How old would he even be?

He had lost track of both his physical and chronological age by now, just estimating by his mental age. He was lost in running number for a moment, then realized he had just passed his thirteenth birthday just a few months ago.

He probably should’ve been excited, but he wasn’t. He had subtly refused to tell the others when his birthday was, as if… As if his childhood self was clinging on it, determined to keep a little piece of himself...to himself.

His train of thought slowed after that, content to watch a small herd of deer grazing on hills distant, but visible enough. A baby fawn was sticking close to its mother- or it could be the father, since he was pretty sure he knew next to nothing about deer. Lloyd watched as the dawn followed the bigger animal over the hill and out of sight.

Like it did so often as of late, his thoughts turned to his deceased father. It had been a long time since his father had been sent to the Cursed Realm, almost a year, but the pain still stung fresh. Though he had spent most of his life without parents around, he had known he had at least one. And when he had been captured by the serpentine, though Kai rescued him from the erupting volcano, Garmadon had been the one to save him from the snakes. His dad had never wanted to fight him in a battle of any sort, and had nurturingly instructed him to embrace his power in the weeks of the Digital Overlord’s reign. He had spent his final days warning the ninja of Master Chen, and willing to throw away his own life for those of hundreds of Ninjago citizens.

Lloyd still wasn’t sure if he had forgiven his dad for what he’d done. Could the lives of so many regular people possibly equal up to one amazing man?

 _“Don’t think like that!”_ He scolded himself. And tried to get distracted by gazing at the reds, oranges, and yellows, of the sun laying down to rest. However, he found his vision blurred by tears in his eyes.

No one around to ask if he was okay(to which he wasn’t sure how he’d respond), he pulled out a pair of glasses from his pocket, fiddling with them in his fingers before finally putting them on.

The world turned just a little sharper, just a little more clear. He felt satisfied at being able to fix something in his life, and absently wondered how he had gotten along in life thus far without glasses.

The others knew he liked to take long walks to inspect their surroundings, so he didn’t have to worry about getting back for a while.

Just him and the horizon, enjoying each other’s company.

Though he wasn’t heavily thinking on the topic of his father anymore, tears still came to his eyes, though hot as fast.

He was glad to not have to wipe them away for once.

Laying down onto his back. He found the sky to be more welcoming than the hillsides. The sky had nothing to hide; it welcomed all into its vast and endless plains. That is, if you were tall enough to reach.

He’d always been intrigued with the sky; it seemed to open an endless world of freedom, away from the hardships and struggles of living on the Earth. Being able to control the wind seemed a much preferred power, compared to being Master of...whatever he ws now.

A large headache rose from the dark depths of his mind, the place where monsters dwelt. Though Morro’s physical torture was over, the mental pains were always there. Always.

He hadn’t told anyone about these… side effects of the possession. Immediately after his release, they had all been focused on defeating the Pre-Emmement, then rebuilding their lives and towns. They used to be busy with publicity stunts, but now those were infrequent. Since no one had noticed changed in Lloyd’s behavior, they’d all believed he’d healed.

Obvious changes, at least.

Every time even a small breeze blew by, he tensed up body still in the habit of expecting pain with the wind. During rainstorms on the Bounty, he’d claim to be reading or napping in his quarters, but he’d always burrow under his blankets, headphones on tight to try to block the howling of the wind.

It never worked.

Whenever there was an uneasy silence, Lloyd could always hear _his_ voice, laughter echoing in the far reaches of his broken mind.

With all of these pains and burdens, he could never seem to open up enough to people enough to deject these poisons from himself. Occasionally he’d crack up his petals, for a moment or two, but then he’d always close back up, like an isolated, broken flower.

The Lloyd other people saw… that Lloyd Garmadon was worth something. That Lloyd was a strong, confident leader who listened to and respected his team, along with his life situation. That Lloyd was the shell, the mask he hid behind, often without realizing it. Deep beneath that mask, layers and layers below… was the real Lloyd Garmadon. This Lloyd was not one to be respected and admired, but one to be pitied and stepped upon. This Lloyd was small and afraid, his quiet whimpering often drowned out by the other Lloyd’s confident calls. The real Lloyd had scars, oh many, many scars, but the real Lloyd was alone and afraid in his corner, not a friend in the world.

This Lloyd was the one scarred. This Lloyd was the one people looked for whenever they searched his eyes for pain. This Lloyd was the one that was defeated and hurt, and was the one who needed a _freaking therapist._

He would sometimes take the mask off, mainly for his father, occasionally someone else, like Kai or Uncle Wu. Now that his main confider was gone, the mask stayed on. No, he could never be that person, but he so wanted to be. Free of scars and pain…

The sky looked down on him from the heavens, at a skinny blonde teen with glasses, laying on a rock and probably appearing to be dead. With it's warm and comforting colors, it appeared to be speaking to him…

 _‘Go ahead, Lloyd,’_ it seemed to say. _‘Open up. It’s just us. If you’re not ready, that’s fine. We have eternity to wait.’_

At first he wasn’t sure, but the sky seemed so… _accepting._

“I,” He started to say, voice cracking from lack of use. “am… not as strong… as everyone thinks I am.” He said quietly to the sky.

 _‘Good job, Lloyd,’_ They sky replied, smiling down as it slowly laid to rest for the night. _‘It may have seemed small, but I’m very proud.’_

And as the last of the sun’s light was buried by distant mountains, Lloyd felt… happy. Inexplicably, he was _happy._ Talking to the sky was like… well, it was like having part of his father there again, guiding his every step.

Maybe he couldn’t talk to the others, not yet. “But,” He thought as he stood up from the cold stone and started to head back. “I’ll always have the sky there to talk to.”

**Author's Note:**

> i love writing things that just wrench out one's heart, can you tell? anyway please let me know what you think with kudos, comments, and all that


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